A Hornet Heaven short story in seven scenes
Written by Olly Wicken
Scene 1
The 2025 close season had only just begun and Watford Football Club already had a new Head Coach.
Up in Hornet Heaven, standing outside the Troy Deeney Atrium, Bill Mainwood sighed. The Head of Programmes had only heard the news five minutes ago but he’d learned not to dwell on such developments.
He said to his young assistant, 13-year-old Derek Garston: ‘Well, my boy, I wonder what else will change ahead of the 2025/26 season.’
‘Knowing Gino Pozzo, probably our head coach a couple more times, Mr Mainwood, sir,’ Derek replied.
Bill chuckled and moved the conversation onto the issue that was most bothering him. ‘Very funny. But the change I want to see, my boy, is Watford playing in black shorts again. In fact, I’m very keen to find out soon as soon as possible.’
‘Perhaps our shorts will leak, sir,’
‘Maybe — but not if they’re anything like the shorts we had in 1982. As tight as gentlemen’s nappies, those were.’
‘No, sir, I mean—’
‘Henry Grover loved them.’
‘What I meant, sir, was—’
Bill chuckled again. ‘I know what you meant, my boy. Anyway, I do hope we go back to black. Red shorts have always been an abnormality. A kink. A foible. A deviation. Which explains why the Father Of The Club is so keen on them.
‘Indeed, sir… And there’s something else I’m hoping to see change, Mr Mainwood, sir. I want rid of the dreadful new name they gave Occupation Road, sir. I want to say “Goodbye, Yellow Brick Road”, sir.’
‘Yes, me too, and—’
Bill fell silent for a moment. He’d seen something. He murmured: ‘Golly!’
‘What, sir? What have you seen, sir?’
‘Look, my boy — on the back of the Vicarage Road stand.’
‘What’s the problem, sir? I don’t see—’
‘Up at the top, my boy — in the panels under the arches. It used to say “Watford FC” but it says something else now.’
Derek looked up. He was stunned. ‘Oh my God, sir!’
‘Yes, it’s something of a—’
‘I don’t believe it, sir!’
‘Yes, my boy, it really is rather a—’
‘Watford Football Club has changed its name, sir!’
HORNET HEAVEN 